We parents are the keepers of growing bodies and souls. We are charged with nourishing both.
It’s monumental, really, being responsible for the physical and emotional and spiritual well-being of humans, with the goal of developing healthy and independent and well-adjusted adults.
Of all the advice I’ve read on how to do that exactly, one quote, courtesy of C.S. Lewis, has offered the most guidance:
“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”
It’s a powerful message when discussing self-worth. How we fix our hair, whether or not we have glasses or braces or freckles, how our clothes and shoes compare with a peer’s wardrobe — none of these qualities define who we are.
As Martin Luther King Jr. told us almost 50 years ago, we are defined by the content of our character. How we show dignity and respect to others, how we value relationships over things, how we express love to our neighbors (and whom we even recognize as our neighbors) — these qualities define who we are.
When my husband was dying and I needed a way to prepare our children for what that would mean physically and spiritually, I relied on Lewis’ words.
I explained to our then-4-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son that the body is a temporary (and important) home for an eternal soul. That when Daddy’s body eventually stopped working, his soul would be free from cancer. That while the physical heart stops beating, the emotional heart never stops loving.
When Katie or Cooper have increasingly intense questions now about how Steve died, I think of that quote before I answer. I emphasize the importance of caring for these temporary bodies the best we can while never ignoring our spirits.
Lewis’ words have been especially meaningful to me the past few days.
A young girl we know started chemotherapy for leukemia last Friday.
The drugs designed to kill her cancer cells will most likely steal her beautiful hair. As I explained to Katie and Cooper why this happens — and how the hair eventually grows back — I also reminded them that appearance means nothing.
What matters is what’s happening on the inside. What matters is how health will be restored in that child’s body. What matters is the condition of her spirit, her soul, while she’s undergoing treatment and in recovery and on the road to remission.
I’ve also been thinking of Lewis’ words in the wake of the tragic propeller accident in McKinney last weekend. Fashion writer Lauren Scruggs, 23, accidentally walked into the path of a spinning airplane propeller after a sightseeing flight.
Her left hand was severed. Her young face slashed. Her skull injured. She surely has a long road to recovery.
Scruggs has built a career around sharing beautiful clothing, shoes, accessories, people and locales with others. Her story is an international story because of her undeniable beauty.
What really matters, though, is what’s happening on the inside. How her body heals, how she regains function. What really matters is the condition of her spirit, by all accounts joyful and beautiful before the accident.
No matter how her body heals, how her appearance may have changed, it’s the soul that really counts.
Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.
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