Impolite world makes it tougher to teach civility

From today's Briefing:

I feel like we’re living through a civility crisis.

Too many of us are talking when we should be quiet. Not enough of us are listening.

I’m not targeting politicians and the people who analyze them on television, though they could certainly use a scolding, too. I’m talking about us regular people. Folks who have forgotten the good manners they were taught at home — or perhaps never got the lesson.

There was no school Monday. A lot of families spent the day at the State Fair of Texas or the Ballpark inArlington. Everyone else, it seemed, was at the movies with me, my daughter and her friend. The three of us were lucky to find seats together, and we tried to not grumble as we squeezed into the second row, contorting our bodies and especially our necks in awkward positions in order to watch Dolphin Tale.

The movie had barely begun when a real-life drama broke out in the row behind us. A small child began to cry. Another child began to chatter.

They both sounded too young to sit through and enjoy a two-hour movie absent of animated characters and rousing musical numbers.

In that moment, five minutes into a film playing in a theater packed with other people who have paid $5 a head plus outrageous prices for snacks, the courteous act would have been to remove those two children from the theater.

Mom did not. And the crying and chatter continued for two hours, their voices often competing with dialogue blaring from giant speakers.

That family’s decision to stay sent a clear message: “I am not willing to inconvenience myself for the sake of this room full of people. You all are just going to have to cope with my inability to be a responsible parent in this situation.”

I struggled with what the group response should be.

Should someone — even me — stand up and politely yet firmly suggest that noisemakers leave the theater? Should someone fetch an usher? Or should we just keep quiet, occasionally sending significant looks in the dark to the family in question?

I had the same struggle at a recent school event, in which children boldly and bravely stood in front of their peers to speak.

I stood at the edge of the room to listen. A group of adults gathered nearby. Those grown-ups spoke and giggled among themselves the entire time that children were speaking to the whole audience.

At the same time, a mom in the crowd allowed her two young children to talk, squawk and cry throughout the presentation.

Those adults sent a clear message: “I am not willing to inconvenience myself for the sake of this room full of people. You all are just going to have to cope with my inability to keep my mouth shut or my inability to be a responsible parent in this situation.”

How on earth are our children going to grow into polite, respectful, gracious members of society if the adults around them model such rude, discourteous, uncivil behavior? Are we raising a generation of kids who think it’s socially acceptable to comment our way through a film or play or musical performance or speech?

And what’s wrong with the rest of us who remain mute, silently tolerating the boorish behavior, complaining only after the fact?

In the moment, staying quiet seems the civil thing to do. But staying mum during a crisis rarely achieves results.

Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.