Should I change my mind on Angry Birds at dinner?

From today's Briefing:

The kids and I recently ate dinner at a nicer-than-usual restaurant. The kind with real tablecloths, dim lighting and entrees costing up to $30.

As we waited for our food, the three of us played dots and boxes with paper and pen. Cooper was in the middle, so he had a game going with Katie on one side and me on the other. We talked and joked as we conspired to draw boxes.

We were the only family in the restaurant not relying on an electronic device.

I counted four other tables with children, and each child was holding a phone or computer tablet or handheld video game. Every single child was focused on a tiny screen. Not a single child required interaction from nearby adults.

I’ve had an internal debate ever since.

Am I old-fashioned for not allowing my children to play with screens at the dinner table? Should I accept iPhones and iPads as just another version of coloring pages?

Should hard-working, loving adults be allowed the opportunity to eat a nice meal prepared by someone else without little voices interrupting? Or are they obligated at every opportunity to teach their children the art of polite conversation and eye contact?

I’ve wondered the same thing at Cub Scout events. During this year’s Pinewood Derby, boys gathered around their Nintendo DS consoles all over the school cafeteria during other boys’ races. If their cars weren’t zooming down the track, they retreated to a pixelized world.

Was I wrong for asking Cooper to steer clear of other people’s video games and instead cheer for Scouts not in his age group?

I’ve wondered the same thing at church, where I’ve seen children playing muted video games during the sermon. My instinct is that it’s disrespectful, and yet I have no problem allowing my children to doodle on the bulletin during the same sermon.

My debate stretches beyond video screens. Should I care at all what other families are doing, as long as my own family follows our values?

What’s wrong with me that I am bothered by someone else’s child, in the next pew, playing Angry Birds? Shouldn’t I be confident enough in my own parenting choices to not be ruffled by different choices around me?

Parenting is a lot easier when my rules match everyone else’s. Everyone I know agrees that running into the street without looking both ways is wrong. No child I know balks when chastised for running into the street recklessly — it’s expected that any nearby adult or even another child is going to holler, “Stop!”

Parents all around me — excellent parents who love their children and want the best for them, just like me — have different opinions on most everything else. Caffeine and sugar intake. Snacking between meals. Bedtime. Acceptable volume for an “inside voice.” Acceptable amount of talking back. G or PG or PG-13 movies. Screen time limits.

Everyone cobbles together what works for them. We adjust based on personality, experience, mood, time of day, special needs.

My screen time rules are influenced by research (though I’m certain that I ignore all kinds of other research out there on any number of topics).

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests no more than two hours of screen time a day, citing problems with obesity, sleep patterns, behavior, violence, creativity and more when kids stare at screens for too long.

On top of that, most of the time I’m eager to hear my children’s voices and answer their questions and talk about our disparate experiences from the day. I want to know that when they’re adults they’ll know how to conduct a conversation at the dinner table.

And I guess I can’t help but hope their companions will, too.

Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.