Having awkward talks could prevent trouble down the road

From Saturday's Briefing:

A parent's résumé is ever evolving, and there's absolutely no way to contain it to a single page.

Basic duties include and are certainly not limited to: carrying, shepherding, cooking, cleaning, driving, purchasing, managing, demanding, negotiating, delivering, teaching, guiding, reading, corralling, worrying, rejoicing, clarifying, listening, speaking, convincing, cajoling and deciding.

Speaking subtopics are added as time continues and circumstances change:

• Modeling basic language skills.
• Repeating "I love you" multiple times daily.
• Saying "no" with varying degrees of intensity.
• Establishing critical rules about safety.
• Offering advice for social scenarios.
• Repeating cautionary tales.
• Explaining current events.
• Discussing uncomfortable yet crucial topics.

I'm thankful for the natural progression of humans from infant to teen, which allows us parents time to practice before we get to the really tough conversations. We get to smooth out our technique with discussions about taking turns and sharing, giving us confidence and courage to tackle the heavy stuff.

All that practice — more than 16 years of parenting so far — convinces me that difficult conversations become less difficult the more often you have them.

So this week, when I stumbled on a study out of Northwestern University about girls being overwhelmed by sexting requests, I had no qualms about broaching the subject with my two children.

They've heard it all before.

Don't ask anyone, ever, to send you a nude photo via smartphone.

If anyone asks you to send a photo, report it to a trusted adult immediately.

If anyone sends you an unsolicited nude photo, report it to a trusted adult immediately.

If one of your friends confides in you that they have sent a nude photo, do not gossip about it. Find a way to help your friend talk to an adult.

If you make a mistake when navigating all of this, please let me know so we can work through it together.

I haven't always been prepared to have these kinds of discussions. Honestly, I'm much more comfortable in the parenting stage that focuses on how to greet a new friend at the playground or how to politely ask for seconds at the dinner table.
As our children grow up, though, we are obligated to prepare them for the mature decisions they face — no matter how awkward or uncomfortable those conversations make us feel.
The Northwestern research, written by Sara Thomas and published in the journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy, analyzed anecdotes from teen girls who had been asked by boys to share nude or semi-nude photos.
"In addition to sending photographs in the hope of gaining a relationship, young women also reported sending photographs as a result of coercion by male counterparts in the form of persistent requests, anger, and threats," Thomas writes. "Young women attempted to navigate young men's coercive behaviors yet frequently resorted to compliance. ... Alternative tactics were largely absent from young women's stories, indicating that young women do not have tools to successfully navigate the challenges they face."
I'm not completely surprised that teens don't have the tools they need. This group of young people faces challenges that my generation never imagined. When I was in junior high and high school, I communicated via handwritten notes and our house phone, the kind attached to the kitchen wall. Photos were taken sparingly; film and developing cost money.
I'm thankful that I grew up without selfies and social media and constant contact with huge groups of friends (and pseudo-friends), and I'm often mournful for the ready access and choices that bombard my children.That wistfulness can't excuse naivety, though. If children feel lost and burdened, it's our responsibility to step in, guide them and lighten the load. We can't shirk our duties — that exhaustingly long list of duties tackled daily with fierce love — because we're uncomfortable or in denial.
Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. She can be reached at tyradamm@gmail.com.