Three years ago ...

Four-year-old Alyssa, Katie and Noe in September 2009 (Photo by Layne Smith)
Now all three girls are about to begin second grade together.

Fashion advisors

Today for work I put on an A-line black knit dress. I usually wear it in the fall and winter with tights or leggings. It's not Texas summer wear -- unless it's 68 degrees in August. (What an unexpected gift!)

Even with cooler temperatures, leggings or tights would look strange in these parts in August. So I asked Katie, "Does this dress look too short without anything under it?"

She stared and considered. (She's always honest.)

"No, it's not too short, but it looks weird without shoes."

Later in the morning, I re-emerged with shoes. I asked again, just be to sure. I feel youthful, but I am 40 and don't want to go around looking ridiculous.

Katie and Cooper agreed that the dress isn't too short.

"Besides, Mommy," Katie said, "You just sit at a desk all day."

Before church this morning

Advocacy should be learned in the classroom and at home

From today's Briefing:

Most of us rely on classroom teachers to guide our children on specific topics, like the difference between adverbs and adjectives or how to figure square roots.

Sure, we adults know these things on our own (or could at least relearn pretty quickly), but that’s what school is for.

There are some lessons, though, that should come from home, like how to place a napkin in your lap at the dinner table or when to say “please” and “thank you.”

As a new school year begins, I’ve been anticipating what Cooper and Katie will learn in the classroom and how I can supplement those lessons at home. More important, I’ve been considering which life skills to emphasize on our own.

This summer, the kids have improved their laundry skills: They now know how to fold towels and blankets. In the fall, we may tackle operation of the washing machine.

They’ve also advanced from clearing dirty dishes to actually rinsing dirty dishes. In the next few weeks, I’ll introduce the art of loading the dishwasher.

At the top of the list, though, is our continued study of advocacy.

Everyone needs to be his or her own best advocate. And everyone needs to know how to speak up for others.

When I was in elementary school, I was certain that I belonged in a special pullout program. I’d occasionally mention it to my mom, who listened but assumed that if I were qualified, surely a teacher would notice.

No one noticed. Finally, at the end of fourth grade, I mustered the courage to approach the program’s teacher and nominated myself.

She agreed to test me. I passed, and in fifth grade I was placed in the program. It may sound like a small victory, but it was huge to me, and it fueled my confidence, teaching me at a young age the power of speaking up.

I’ve learned that the key to effective advocacy is knowing when and how often to speak up. If you complain too often, without a sense of priority, folks stop listening. And when you do identify a problem, it helps to offer solutions.

When my husband was receiving treatment for cancer and various unpleasant side effects, my advocacy skills were put through their paces. I didn’t want to alienate the team of hard-working doctors, nurses and technicians, but I also wanted the best, most competent care for Steve.

If he was too tired to speak up for himself, I would quietly step in with suggestions on the best size of needle for blood draws, reminders about medication and questions about dosing.

When a sluggish social worker told us that Steve would have to spend Christmas in the hospital only because she couldn’t find a home-health worker to take on his case, I delivered an impassioned speech in the middle of the nurses’ station, pleading for our children to have Christmas morning with their Daddy.

He was home by 4 p.m. Christmas Eve. It was our final Christmas together.

The advocacy lessons seem more urgent now that there’s a sixth-grader in the house. Cooper has left our cozy elementary school, where everyone knows his name, for middle school, where not a single staff member yet has a clue who he is.

He needs to know to seek help if he’s confused by a concept or struggling with an assignment. He needs to feel comfortable, if necessary, in reminding each of his seven teachers of his accommodations for dyslexia.

He needs to know that I can’t — and shouldn’t — be there to solve every problem.

I got a glimpse of Cooper’s advocacy abilities this week. He was at the orthodontist and had just been fitted with a Herbst appliance (imagine permanent headgear placed inside the mouth). Something didn’t feel right.

He didn’t tell me about it — he told the technician, who at first waved him off.

Cooper politely persisted, and the tech investigated. He found a small piece that required adjustment and fixed it.

“Thank you,” Cooper said, all without any prompting from Mom.

Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.

Before church this morning

Spend the least and make the most of summer's final days

From today's Briefing:

Most families have two weeks left of summer. Depending on whom you ask, that statement can be read with despair or with mirth.

In these waning days of summer, you might feel compelled to cram in as much fun as possible with whatever remaining funds you have left. Or at least get one last outing in.

These are some of my family’s favorites and what I consider a good value.

Fort Worth Museum of Science and History: I’ve got high hopes for the Perot Museum of Nature and Science, set to open in Dallas in 2013. Until then, our favorite science museum in North Texas is in Fort Worth.

We can easily spend a full day here. Our itinerary usually includes the water tables and dinosaur dig outside, the DinoLab and the children’s section.

The biggest draw, though, is Innovation Studios. Activities in each studio change frequently, so every visit to the museum feels different. We’ve sculpted with foil, created stop-motion animation videos, built tall wooden towers and more.

The only difficult decision is deciding which IMAX movie to watch — there are multiple offerings daily. If you have time, walk across the campus to spend at least an hour in the National Cowgirl Museum; admission is half price with proof of science museum admission.

Details: $12-$16, with films and planetarium shows extra. 1600 Gendy St., Fort Worth. 817-255-9300. fwmuseum.org.

Sci-Tech Discovery Center: Sci-Tech isn’t a museum, but it’s got the hands-on exhibits that make science museums especially entertaining.

We usually spend about two hours in the center. It’s small enough that I feel comfortable letting each child go separate ways. Katie can spend as much time as she chooses building structures with thin, flat blocks, while Cooper can build small cars for racing.

Exhibits change every few months. The current two exhibits — Amusement Park Science and Team Up! Explore Science & Sports — leave Sept. 2. The stations allow children and adults to explore properties of physics and math while having fun. There are also daily stage shows and story times.

Details: $5-$6.50. 8004 N. Dallas Parkway, Frisco. 972-546-3050. mindstretchingfun.org.

Nasher Sculpture Center: Our family loves all of the Arts District, but if I had to choose a favorite, it would be the Nasher.

The kids and I wander inside and out, never feeling rushed even when the crowds are thick. We often pose for silly photos near Bronze Crowd and take in Like a Bird from different angles. We love squeezing through the steel piece My Curves Are Not Mad.

There are just a few weeks left to experience the temporary indoor installation “Kink,” a colorful crocheted piece that patrons can walk on and through.

In the summer, it’s best to arrive when the doors open at 10a.m. so outdoor viewing is bearable. Or try to make nighttime hours; there’s a ’Til Midnight at the Nasher scheduled for Aug. 17. Admission that night is free, and you can enjoy a concert by Smile Smile and a movie (Midnight in Paris) on the lawn.

Details: $5-$10. 2001 Flora St., Dallas. 214-242-5100. nashersculpturecenter.org.

Hawaiian Falls: When I was a teenager, my favorite summer getaway was White Water, a sprawling, long-since- demolished water park in Grand Prairie. As a mom, I prefer smaller water parks, where it’s easier to park, walk to the gates and keep track of children.

Hawaiian Falls is just right for us in size and cost. Admission is reasonable; I don’t feel like we have to stay for eight hours to get our money’s worth.

Cooper and Katie are content to hang out in the wave pool and the lazy river, but there are plenty of slides for when they’re feeling adventurous. You can pay $10 to bring a cooler in, avoiding concession costs and less-than- healthy food and drink choices. We do like to splurge on snow cones from the park.

Details: $19.99-$25.99, with discounts online. Locations in Garland, Mansfield, Roanoke and The Colony. hfalls.com.

Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.

Compromise is a key skill many don't use

From today's Briefing:

I’m in a love-hate relationship with this election year.

I love that every four years we decide on a president (qualms about the Electoral College notwithstanding) and that we consider seriously and passionately the future of our country.

I’m less enamored of extremists who don’t comprise the majority but nevertheless taint the experience for the rest of us.

Life would be dull if we all thought the same and acted the same and voted the same. But I’m afraid we’re losing the art of compromise.

I have a few Facebook friends who can be counted on to take predictable far-leaning sides — right or left — and pile on a heap of vitriol. They don’t just disagree. They take time to insult those who disagree with them.

I’ve given up on most television commentary for this reason. And I limit how many online comments I read because, good gracious, there’s a lot of anger out there. Health care reform, policies of fast-food restaurants and department stores, access to guns — folks aren’t just passionate, they’re often rabid.

So it was refreshing to attend a recent conference at which thousands of passionate people gathered but, as far as I could tell, left extremism at home.

Volunteers from across the state gathered in Austin last weekend for the annual Texas PTA Summer Leadership Seminar.

Partisan politics weren’t on the agenda. Just about everything else was: standardized tests, nutrition, bullying, physical education, the environment, taxes, divorce, addiction, the arts, sex, social media.

I participated in workshops with parents from wealthy Houston suburbs and rural Hill Country towns. Some wore $200 blue jeans. Others wore matching, bedazzled, leopard-print T-shirts emblazoned with letters shouting “PTA.”

At one of my tables, there was a lone dad surrounded by a mix of stay-at-home and work-outside-the-home moms. We represented at least three ethnic groups.

Despite our differences, we share a common goal: advocating for children — and not just for our own sons or daughters.

There’s a place for advocating for only your own family, but when you commit to PTA, you’re on board for all the kids at your campus and even in your district, your state and the nation. Conference discussions were spirited and thoughtful but never mean. Somehow we kept our passion in check with civility.

As a veteran of PTA campus board meetings, I know this isn’t always the case. Extremism and hostility can creep in even when a group shares the same goals.

Kyle Ward, executive director of the Texas PTA, addressed that very issue during one of his workshops. “Where there is passion, there is often conflict,” he said.

We explored some typical conflicts in volunteer settings (they’re not much different than in any other setting). We talked about the value of building up rather than tearing down, of complimenting rather than insulting.

Some people, Ward said, are too quick to give an opinion, to spout off without thinking. But there’s rarely a reason to rush an opinion, statement or solution.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “to say ‘Let me think about that and get back to you.’”

That’s good advice for working with volunteers, coworkers and friends — in real life or online. If more folks could adopt that attitude, I might fall in love with election season all over again.

Tyra Damm is a Briefing columnist. Email her at tyradamm@gmail.com.

Salad

I'm not a food blogger, but I do want to record my new favorite salad for fear I'll forget.

red-leaf lettuce, chopped
green-leaf lettuce, chopped (both from Kroger's box of "artisan lettuce")
goat cheese crumbles
honey-roasted ham, chopped
raisins
sunflower seeds
yellow cherry tomatoes
light balsamic dressing (Newman's Own)

Usually when I pack salad in the morning to take to lunch, it's with a begrudging attitude. By lunchtime, I'm dreading the salad experience, wishing instead for risotto or crab cakes or something equally fancy. Not so this week!